Category Archives: Health

Take the Gross Out of Groceries

  • tune: Take Me Out to the Ballgame
    The Raging Grannies Songbook, 1993, adapted by Kay Thode

Take the gross out of groc’ries,
Keep altered food off our plates.
Some of these products sound quite bizarre!
Keep mom’s home cooked fav’rites just as they are…
This is just what we’ve feared and
You know who is to blame.
Put a freeze on facsimiles—
End Monsanto’s game!

Take the gross out of gro’ries.
We are playing roulette.
Who can tell what will come of this change,
Or what happens when food’s rearranged?
Cause it’s gross, gross, gross what they’re doing.
Gene splicing’s really a shame.
We’ll get down on our knees and say PLEASE!
End Monsanto’s game

Monsanto Song

  • tune: On Top of Old Smokey
    San Jose, CA, grannies

On top of old Smokey,
See how it glows—
Monsanto has buried
A bushel of woes.

  • The first was potatoes
    Genetically marked,
    Spliced with a jelly-fish
    They glow in the dark.

And then came tomatoes,
So round and so red –
But don’t let them fool you.
They’re genetically dear.

  • Now comes the saddest,
    Which we should all mourn,
    Old Round-Up is hidden
    In each kernel of corn.

So as you sit eating
Your veggies today,
Remember Monsanto
Is lighting your way!


  • tune: What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor?
    San Jose, CA Grannies

What shall we do with the world food crisis?(3X)
Learn this very morning…

Scan the labels when you’re buying (3X)
Eating out or shopping,

Buy Local, fresh and healthy (3X)
No more junk food anytime,

Eat less meat, more fruits and veggies(3X)
For healthy bodies and our planet,

Corn for food, not biofuels (3X)
That’s food for humans, not machines

Help local farmers grow more food(3X)
Time is wasting, we’ve got warning.

Food for people, not for profits(3X)
Food security for all.

Feed the hungry & poor among us(3X)
Benefit all creatures

Learn to share our scarce resources(3X)
And our love and caring.


  • by Georgie Kunkel and Kay Thode
  • tune: Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend

When he can’t get it up,
There’s a pill now at the bedside.
Viagra is a boy’s best friend.

It will thrill him, it will fill him,
With passion unrelenting,
If he has enough cash
To withstand the rash

Of blue tinted skin
And blood rushing in
While the drug companies
Rake in the dough.

When the mood is upon us
He’ll act like Adonis.
Viagra is a boy’s best friend.
There’s money in it!
Viagra is a boy’s best friend.

The Condom Song

  • Tune: When you Wore a Tulip

(First verse spoken)
I used to wear a diaphragm,
I used to take the pill.
I smeared myself with every kind
Of contraceptive gel.
But times have changed
Since then, old dear,
So listen up to me:
It’s your turn now for reproductive

You’ll wear a condom,
A big rubber condom,
And I’ll wear a great big smile.
‘Cause it ain’t gonna hurt ya
To don that gutta percha,
Now that safe sex is in style
So take it out of your wallet,
Whatever you call it,
And stretch it for a mile.
And put on your condom,
Your big rubber condom,
And I’ll put on my sexiest smile.

Saints- Health/Mental Health

  • tune: When the Saints Come Marching In

When care is spelled L-O-V-E,
When care is spelled L-O-V-E,
How I want to be in that number,
When care is spelled L-O-V-E.

  • Variations:

When health care is a right for all…

When mental health gets parity…

When people’s needs come first of all…

When facts are known and stigma ends…

When the message is that treatment works…

When care and hope give us new strength…

Safe Sex

  • from The Raging Grannies Songbook, 1993
  • tune: Hi, Ho! Hi Ho! It’s Off to Work We Go

Hi ho! Hi ho! It’s off to bed we go.
We Grannies smile because we know
Safe sex is quite the best.

Hi ho! Ho hay! It could be night or day.
Explicit rules we must obey!
Safe sex is quite the best.

Ho ho! Ho ho! Life ain’t no picture show.
To anything else, say No! No! No!
Safe sex is best!

Mammogram Song

  • tune: Thanks for the Memories

Thanks for the mammogram!
It wasn’t lots of fun.
It made my breast go numb.
Squash me any harder
And I’d be a hot cross bun-
But thank you so much.

Thanks for the mammogram!
It really helped to see
The shady side of me.
The x-rays found what I could not,
As large as a small pea.
So thank you so much.

So many poisons have caught us,
But we never knew that it brought us
The breast cancer levels we fought off.
It isn’t fun, the harm’s been done.

So thanks for the mammogram.
I wish I could be sure
They’re finding out a cure,
Or better still what causes it
So I could save my favorite.
So thank you so much

Little Brown Drug

  • from the Edmonton Grannies tune: Little Brown Jug

The mate and I live all alone
In a cigarette farm we call our own.
Virginia Slims and Marlboro Man
We sell to every kid we can.

  • Chorus:
    Cough, cough, cough, you and me
    Little brown drug don’t we love thee.
    Hack, hack, hack, you and me
    Little brown drug don’t we love thee.

Tobacco pushers say it’s not true
That cigarettes will hu-urt you/
But we all know that’s a joke–
Puff! Your life goes up in smoke.


They pump in double nicotine
That tastes better to a teen.
They advertise at sports events:
“Help your lungs by smoking Kents.”


Now they’re going overseas.
They want all the world to wheeze.
Don’t care for your health or mine—
Profits are the bottom line.


Buy, Buy Our Brand!

  • by: Monica Zucker
  • tune: Bye, Bye, Blackbird

Buy our little purple pill—
It will cure your every ill.
Buy, buy our brand!

If you feel the least bit sick,
Trust in us—our ads are slick.
Buy, buy our brand!

Millions die in other lands
Cause they can’t afford our brands.
Buy, buy our brand!

So pay the price—and buy some more.
Our goods are flying from the store.
Buy, buy our brand!

Get your doc to specify our brand name.
Reject generics even though they’re just the same.

We’ve got purple pills galore,
And patent rights forevermore!
Our brand! Buy, buy!