- Lyrics by Salt Spring Raging Grannies of Canada to Tune by George Gershwin
- Note: The full title of this song is “All Purpose Comprehensive Rant about Everything That Is Wrong with the Whole World.” Seattle Grannies may make up verses for occasions.
CHORUS
It ain’t necessarily so,
It ain’t necessarily so.
The corporate media
Would like to mislead ya,
It ain’t necessarily so,
(Environment)
Salt Spring’s not gone to the dogs.
Trees are just unemployed logs.
We mustn’t get madder
Just ‘cause Taxada
Is trashing our watershed bogs.
Don’t worry about greenhouse gas–
The doom and gloom won’t come to pass.
Remember the looting
We get from polluting
All goes to the governing class.
CHORUS
(Food)
Genetically modified food
Is certified legally good.
Ignore all the rumors—
Just be good consumers.
Don’t ask all those questions—it’s rude.
Hormone-laced beef is just swell.
Just look at our own NHL.
No need for inspection
Of bovine injection—
Don’t you want to be macho as well?
(Big Business)
We always promote human rights.
We worry, and can’t sleep at nights.
But sooner or later
The gangster dictators
Who buy our arms must see the light.
Our banks are the best ever seen.
The profits they make aren’t obscene.
We like the adoption
Of enormous stock options
For CEOs fleeing the scene.
Drug company profits are small.
They’re lobbying hardly at all.
When they hear generics
They go into hysterics
For fear that the share prices will fall.
Africa’s dying of AIDS,
But drug barons got to get paid.
They say they feel saddened,
But they hold the patent.
Take aspirin and sit in the shade.
Free trade’s the best way to go.
Only subversives say no.
We’ll follow the factories
South and drink daiquiris.
Viva Low Wage Mexico!
CHORUS
(Schools)
Our school rooms are all well-supplied.
Whoever denies it has lied.
They depend for kids’ readers
On corporate leaders
Who peddle their Pepsi inside.
(Health)
Health care is our most sacred trust.
We’ll give you some time to adjust.
In a matter of urgency
Camp in Emergency
And sit till you’re gathering dust.
CHORUS
(WTO)
Quebec’s got a Big Business Fair.
It’ll be just like Tienamin Square
They admit it’s a pity
To barb-wire the city,
But people might try to get there.
(Defenses)
Women should man submarines,
‘Cause women are fighting machines.
If the ship isn’t celibate
The brass won’t think well of it
Unless there are separate latrines.
CHORUS
(Finally)
We sing ‘cause we don’t want to curse.
We’re alive, and we don’t need a hearse.
But if there’s a screw-up
We plan to wake you up
Or everything’s sure to get worse.